Doom of the Discworld
by Hamfast Gamgee
Summary: A tale set in the Discworld around, oh, 150 years after the events we all know off.
1. Chapter 1

The Doom of the Disc, the later days, too many thes!

Sounds bad doesn't it? Doom with a capital D. But Doom might not be bad, just the end of something. Maybe. And this is the Discworld, it has to turn out right in the end. Doesn't it?

A mighty ship travelled the ocean seas of the Disc. A very mighty ship. Made of steel, iron and even concrete. Sea travel on the Disc had come a long way in the last one hundred years. A shame that the morals of the disc had fallen behind a bit, but more on that later. This ship as well as exploring for the sake of exploring was also seeking out vital minarals, resources, places for wealth. It had come across a pretty little tropical island. With white coral beaches, tall green cocunut trees, shinning blue lakes that glittered in the sun, birds and a wealth of natural wildlife. A place of peace and tranquility. Although it was not going to be a place of peace and tranquility for long if the Captain of the vessel from the country of Ankh-Morpork had his way. He took a look at it. Just the perfect island that they were looking for on this mission.

Which was why able-shipman Edward Whitesnake was on the ilse in full Navy gear exploring one of the remoter bays. He didn't mind his job too much, it was interesting not too ardius and he did get too see interesting parts of the disc, like this island. Whitesnake was moderately intelligent, and did not actually come from Ankh-Morpork, but Quirm a nearby city, but the Ankh-Morpork navy had come calling and were offering well paid work, so he grabbed at the opportunity.

He had heard some explosions nearby though, which had caused concern, but one of his fellows had explained that the Captain was thoroughly exploring the island even under the surface and taking advantage of 'our superior technology,' as he put it. Just then, Whitesnake thought that he had seen just out the corner of his eye something land in the trees, something big. He couldn't see it again. 'Na, just my imagination,' thought he.

Later that day the Captain was given a report on the survey. 'Nothing much of interest save maybe some copper under the surface, which our radioactive particles found,' he was told. The Captain was unconcerned and moved on. But perhaps he should have been. Perhaps Whitesnake should have been. Because this particular mission had awoken something. Something large and powerful. Which was only going to grow larger. Something which was insane by the radiation which the ship had pumped into it and was going to get madder. Something which was going too be of great concern to all of the Disc...

It was six months later. Whitesnake had returned from his mission which he had found profitable and even enjoyable in parts. Some of the naval songs in particular were quite an eye opener. Now he was back home in Quirm. Even here, life was good. He was a young man without responsibilities end had gainful employment in one of the bakeries. At the least he knew that he was better of than many.

He had a friend. Well, he had many friends, naturally, but he had one interesting one. Known as Danforth Wind-are-arca. But fortunately this was shortened to Windo and that was how Whitesnake referred to him. Windo was a appropriate name. Because he could be full of it at times.

On this occasion, for example. Windo took a rather unhealthy interest in the ocult and natures of all things magical. Nothing wrong with that in particular in ages gone by in the disc magic had been a dominant force, but on these modern times, most regarded magic as a rather backward notion with the advance of civilisation, technology and logic. Although magic was about to make a rather dramatic and unpleasant comeback...

Windo and Whitesnake were having there normal get-together at a local inn called the flaming Dragon. Windo was doing most of the talking as usual. About his recent occult experiences. He gabbled enthusiastically 'thee have been some unusual ethos is vibrating on the sixth medium. Something in the seas. No-one has seen anything like this for decades. It is worth checking out. I might even have a look at my silver rune system.'

'Really,' yawned Whitesnake. It was late and Whitesnake did have to be at work early n the morning. On this occasion he didn't have time for Windo's long magical traits. He downed his pint and made his goodbyes into the foggy autumn Quirm night.

Windo said goodbye to his friend but then thought about things. He was not kidding about the magical activity, however. There was unusual activity in the southern seas. It could be nothing, but he did take an interest. He looked at his own tailor-made webpage for all things magical. He had a modified database which came up with Dragons when he investigated the precise magicial waves. Not just Dragons either, but king dragons. Dragons, he remembered, where rather cute little creatures which in times gone by had been kept as pets by the rich and powerful. But nowadays there were rather rare, they were a product of past times and in these modern days were close to extinction, indeed many species of Dragon were extinct nowadays.

Still, the data said King Dragons. Now these were different. Bigger, powerful and could be dangerous. In parts of the underdeveloped parts of the Disc, they had been known to create some seroius damage. These were even rarer. Of course, he mused, he could be jumping to conclusions, there were other possible explanations for this ethos and he had been wrong before. But this needed checking out. He did know of a magicial store which might be a help in selecting devices to at least counter any activity which any Dragon might cause. A rather shady little place in one of Quirm's less fashionable but possibly more interesting back-streets. Run by a Dwarf of rather dubious reputation, but it was a feature of Windo's personality that he could be very trusting. Trust is very important, he believed.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doom of the Disc, The Dragon approaches.

-0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0-

So, Windo did spend a little time researching about King Dragons in various parts of Quirm. There were some quite extensive libraries in the City though they ranged from very factual and detailed through to the bizarre unproven and mereley speculative. That week, after work, he looked at all matters of things King Dragon. It was his public duty as a citizen after all, and if he could make a little money in these matters, which he occasionally did, all to the better. He spend more time looking at the occult details as that was his area of speciality. And, to be fair, there was not much to go on factually. The main report was one which attacked Ankh-Morpork over a century ago at the time of the City's golden age. Or to be accurate slightly before it's golden age. More about Ankh-Morpork's golden age later.

He visited a little occult store he knew. Run by a Dwarf who knew about magical devices, or at the least he claimed that he did. 'Good Morning, how may we be of assistance?' asked the owner. 'Oh, Dragons,' he said in surprise, 'I would have thought you can see those at the zoo. They make interesting little pets I am told. Quite cute when you tickle their chin.' The owner, naturally enough was referring to the more common type of dragon, if one tried to do that to a king Dragon one would be minus one arm if one was lucky. Windo smiled, found a little bit of useful information and returned home via his inn. He returned using the famous Quirm tramways. This had just been revived and was based upon the one in Ankh-Morpork developed during its golden age. More about Ankh-Morpork's golden age later.

On the way, he could not help but notice that people seemed a bit pre-occupied. Or their attentions seemed to be elsewhere. More so than usual as people often did not concentrate upon what was important he often saw. Anyway, when he went back to the inn, after a nice meal at home, he asked Whitesnake if he had heard much about Dragons. Whitesnake gave him a look which was akin to someone on 9/11 been asked has he heard of any exploding towerblocks. 'Yes, I have just heard of King Dragons. And, my friend, if you had been paying a bit of attention to the news rather than been of galivantating you might as well unless you were taking the piss as you often do,' Windo thought that was a bit unusually rude of Whitesnake, until he looked up and saw the network news.

The network news? Ah, well that was something which had been developed intensely ofter the last 2o years and which meant that anyone in Quirm could go and watch news events instantly from all over the Disc. Mind, as these news events were unrently miserable one did wonder of the advantage of this sometimes. This was a system which was developed in... good guess, Ankh-Morpork. More about Ankh-Morpork's news developments later. Now Windo was looking up in amazement at the news events unfolding.

Which was that deep in the Southern oceans something terrible had been awakened. A king Dragon. Not just any king Dragon, but a mighty one. Which flew, breathed fire, was bigger than any creature ever encountered by quite some distance had huge wings and a tail and seemed to be totally insane. This creature had arisen this day and had already taken out many islands in the ocean. Which caused tens of thousands of deaths, but also potential catastrophic disc-wide economic consequence. From the reporting it was not certain which was considered worse by the networks. But Quirm had only itself to blame. It had after all been the main contributor to the expedition which had poured radiation to a certain south-sea Island, which had affeted the king Dragon and caused it to mutate and also to go mentally completely insane.

And now on a seemingly unstoppable cause to where? That wasn't actually clear but it was seemingly heading inland to civilization. To that of the Raj. It was only fair to say there was panic in that former colony of Quirm. But though that beast had wrecked havoc on the outlying islands, to much dramatic coverage on the news networks, the one of it sinking a cargo ship was particularly grusome coverage.

But now it was facing the full might of a hastily arranged navel force from the combined forces of the civlizied disc in the area. With all of the military technology they could muster. which was quite considerable. Enough in fact to blast to oblivion any country in the Disc. That's progress. But this was all technical material. What no-one realise was that this was a magical monster they were facing and it was a fact that magic was quite out of vogue in the Disc now. Considered old hat, meaningless and without use. A bit of a shame, really. And possibly of use now. Though with this mighty beast there was doubt if even the best Witches and Wizards of old could have done much.

Not that those watching were that concerned at this point. In fact most thought the Dragon would be blasted to the four winds. 'Dragon soup for this one,' someone said. Now the Dragon approached the fleet. Oh, there wasn't any of this quiet moment and pause before the event or any of that rubbish loved by filmmakers in this case. Though in fact the live TV channels missed the moment of the Dragons attack as they went for a commercial break. That's live modern cable TV. Twenty different bloody camera angles, shouts from every angle, but due to commercialism they missed the big moment.

It turned out to be a quick one-sided victory. For the Dragon! It flew down upon the feet like a bolt of mighty fury and fire and destroyed every ship in it's path. Ship after ship exploded and sank in flames. The fleet threw everything it had at the Dragon, bullets, machine gun fire, advanced fire, modern surface-to-air missiles, even planes and Air Force support. Naval technology had come a long and expensive way in the last 150 years. But it proved that all of this advance was worth naught. The pride of the Disc nations fleet was obliterated in less than an hour. Over 90% of the vessels ended up in the bottom of the ocean. The Dragon was merely annoyed and made it's way unharmed to land and now the armies in the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Doom of the Discworld

Now the next few days were unpleasant times to live on Quirm. Martial law was declared. A harsh form of martial law as well, but one supposes that with the imminent destruction beckoning that was understandable and inevitable. Everyone became very scared and the Dragon and how to fight it. Many theories sensible, desperate and frankly rather jackpot were put forward. But none had the slightest chance of working. The problem was that people were trying to fight it with advanced and technological weapons. No chance against this thing. This was a magical creature and the only logical chance of defeating it was to put logic to one side and to use magic. Now that's some kind of logic! Well, actually someone did suggest this but in such a over-bearing and unsubtle manner that she was considered insane by all and her suggestion not taken up.

The armies of the Disc nations suffered the same fate as the navy. Now there was panic and the Dragon was on a deadly course to Quirm. Many fled, though there wasn't much to flee too. North was sea were many perished in a desperate rush, the deserts and forests represented little better. Many more fled to the haunted woods where they met rather unpleasant fates at the hands of other monsters which were usually avoided. Besides whilst the Dragon was approaching Quirm it was doing so in a very hap-hazard way. It encountered a group of refugees on the road to the east and flamed most of them. Those that survived actually made their way back to Quirm. In response, the authorities had to impose restrictions and some kind of order to prevent total panic. The exits from Quirm were cut and only a certain quota of people at a time were allowed out. The sophisticated defence network were working around the clock with their pinpoint satellite systems to see the Dragon's every movement and try to facilitate some kind of resistance. This was based on the one in Ankh-Morpork which had been developed in recent decades. More on Ankh-Morpork's developments later.

Actually, no, lets discuss Ankh-Morpork and the Disc now. Now, the reader is possibly aware of some of the events that took place during the reign of the Partician Lord Vetinari. This took place around 150 years before the current ones did. This was known by some as the start of the City's golden age and by others as the preclude to it, there was some historical debate about the matter. Many important developments did happen during the later part of Vetinari's reign but most of these were the start. Anyway, Vetinari surprised everyone by retiring. One of the few rulers of Ankh-Morpork that actually retired voluntarily and lived outside Ankh-Morpork and kept bees. But some historians argued that he actually made one of his few mistakes by doing this because he left the city in a bit of a mess.

Well, not a mess so much, the finances were stable and the City social structure was no worse than any other time, but in the manner of his successor. That of Lord Rust who strangely didn't like to be called Partician, but was one of the worse dictators, well, hang one, so was Vetanari a dictator, but this guy was a tyrant as well, and was also 100% incompetent. In 5 years, Rust came close to ruining all of the achievements of Vetinari. He quarreled with just about everyone, those Lords that still mattered, commerce, the Wizards, many of the Guilds were either close down or bought to ruin, the clacks were taxed to near extinction and his foreign wars caused the bludgeoning railways to close and even to transported to places like Quirm for example.

Lord Rust became almost a pantomime figure of fun for later generations. However, the population eventually got fed up of him and he was overthrown and murdered. Thrown into the Ankh 3 times where he died of swallowing poisoned fish. But he was unmourned and after him came the Golden Age of Ankh-Morpork. Which was ruled by much giggling by schoolchildren learning this in later years by the 2 Carrots. Carrot the 1st the former Captain of the Guard and loved by all and indeed claimed by all as despite been 6ft 8ins he did claim to be a Dwarf as he was raised by Dwarfs in his childhood, was rumored to have a werewolf wife and was actually able to out armwrestle Trolls, so even Trolls, been a cheerful bunch latched onto him as well.

After two happy decades under Carrot the 1st he was succeeded by Carrot the 2nd alternately called the younger or the great as this was when the Golden age was at it's zenith. He introduced Democracy where it flourished. He wasn't actually the son of Carrot the 1st, Carrot the 1st son was an incompetent of the Lord Rust school very unlike his father so the cityfolk choose Carrot's eldest grandson instead. Who ruled for fifty years, the longest reign of any save one in Ankh-Morpork and the longest since Ankh-Morpork was truly independent.

Not only was democracy introduced, but many other innovations spread in his reign. Industry, transport, the trains really made progress, the cracks, sanitation, the media, air transport was started, tramways, buses, a trade union movement representing the masses, a health service and even a linear transport. Not bad. He even managed to rule without any major wars. A time of peace and prosperity indeed. Each one of these would have made a good 300 page Discworld novel. Shame that none more can be made. Actually, one good one might have been the health service. A free welfare system. What a book could have been written about the trials and tribulations of those that worked, managed and used that system. What a comedy, what a tragedy and what a triumph for welfare.

Although it is worth pointing out that there was an underside. Many of the poor or very poor felt little or no effect on these improvements. When one is living on the streets and wondering where the next meal or shelter is coming from weather the ruler is an insane incompetent like Rust or the best of all like Carrot the 2nd can be a supreme irrelevancy. Plus there was the matter of the two Disc wide wars costing hundreds of millions of lives. That's some 'progress.' One was against Quirm and one against Saxonovia. Even the Health service rarely had enough funds to keep totally to its remit and in it's later days under different Governments tough choices had to be made regarding it's delivery. Wheras the rich and powerful could of course use the superior private service. Well, superiour if one had the funds to use it, this wasn't free.

Also none of this was in living memory. The heady days of the Carrots were long gone. Nowadays, the Disc was ruled by people that had little inspiration or leadership abilities but just kowtowed to the rich and powerful and were hated by the population even though they voted for them. There wasn't much alternative. And if there was, somehow, even in a Democracy, the ruling classes made damn sure that the alternative did not get in. Nowadays, Ankh-Morpork, for example was ruled by managed democracy which some thought to be the worse kind of Government. It did have a strange kind of economy, not quite market forces, but not quite state intervention either. Most of the means of production was done by the market, but it wasn't really a fair market. The vast majority of the economy was owned by a small minority, which by a strange coincidence just happened to be those that were also in Government. A rather corrupt Government with little poliitcal ideals or initiative.

Anyway, back to the action. Windo was kept very busy over the past few days as the Dragon approached Quirm. He was just about the only person who did think that the problem was a magical one which could only be served by magic. Yes, magic had taken a backstep in the recent decades. Just about nobody did magic the way it was done in the old days. Wizards and Witches had declined to an irrelevancy. Some cults remained, but they were a shadow of the former selves. The Witches didn't even practice animal sacrifices any more. Granny Weatherwax was turning in her grave. Been squeamish was all very well, but one needed to do proper magic for heaven's sake.

However, Windo had just acquired something from his favorite magic shop. The one run by the dodgy Dwarf. It was an old magical black arrow. It was inscribed with ancient runes, had a long back history and was thought to be one used to slay old magical beasts, even ones that had threatened civilizations. It had taken some looking for him to find it, maybe not quite so long as certain Wizards in other tales, but definitely a few hours of rummaging around the dusty back shelves of the shop. Well, if anything can stop the Dragon, maybe this can, he thought to himself.

The Dwarf owner of the store, one Immy Immundson, one from the near East, was a bit guilty about selling a device which had no special powers as far as he knew, but Windo was insistent so he might as well put up the price and embellish matters a little. But then again, that was as far as he knew. What did poor old Immy know about such tools? Apart from selling them, that was. His wife did have a different opinion and expressed it loudly. 'Immy, you are such a condwarf at times. That poor young man spend a near fortune on buying something which we know happens to be a piece of junk. Why you encourage him in such matters is beyond me.'

'Oh, now come on,' said Immy defending himself. 'This is known as market forces. Isn't this what the Government, which you voted for let me remind you, is encouraging? If this man wants to spend some money on a piece of my stock let him. Besides, how do we know it's a piece of junk. Oh, all right, I suppose it doesn't come all the way from the Eastern mountains as I might have claimed, but we do need to shift this stuff. Anyway, I didn't make things this way it's society. If you would prefer to be on the streets unemployed or working many hours for nothing, please say so!'

Anyway, the Dragon approached. The citizens of the city fled in panic as its wings flapped over the walls. The air turned black in it's flamey smoke. Even the army put up little resistance even in strong places and there where few in the streets as it smotted them with vengeful fire. All fled before it's face. All save... Windo. Of all people. But he thought he had the one thing that could stop it. The Black Arrow. He looked up at the cityhall clock tower. As he did so, a young boy passed before him. 'Oh, hello, Li-Un isn't it?'

'Yes, what do you want, Mister?'

'I was wondering if you could help me for a small fee,'

'Maybe what do you want me to do?'

'Oh, well, I need someone to come up with me, so that I can steady this mighty crossbow on their shoulder, a young boy like you so that I can fire at that approaching Dragon, slay it and save the Discworld, possibly the only thing that can stop the monster,'

The boy looked at him incredulously. 'Say that again?' Windo did, 'Seriously?' Windo nodded.

'Get stuffed,' said the boy and fled. Well, one can't really blame him!

Actually, not quite all fled before the Dragon. Some refused to leave their beloved city quite so easy. A small squad of elite troops, Human, Dwarfs and Trolls. Complete with black uniform, plastic helmets, black boots and long, pointy guns fulled with ammunition. They were not to their credit scared much, in fact some seemed almost to be looking forward to the confrontation. They were saying things like, 'Come on Marines, lets get this creature, lets doooooo it, no scaly flying bird is gonna scare me, Ho, ho, ho lets get out their, yo for civilization,' and such like. There was quite a good deal of pumping up. Heck, they even got into a group hug at one stage. What good that was actually going to do was unclear. So this group travelled through the smoke and rubble of the dark city.

They crouched down as the Dragon approached. The smoke blotted out any little light the evening sky was giving. flame poured down onto the ruby streets, debris exploded buildings collapsed in stone, concrete and glass. Though the Marines giving as good as they got, diving up buildings around buildings over buildings at speed. They shot at the creature it would have made for a great computer game in fact. But this was all too deadly real. The Dragon opened its fiery primeval mouth...


	4. Chapter 4

But not a very long computer game. As this squad of marines lasted ten minutes against the Dragon. What a shame. Now Windo was the last chance. He was standing on a statue in the city main square. The creature was aware of him and approached. Just about now, Windo was beginning to feel pains of doubt. He was wondering why this device just happened to come into his possession right now at this important time. Possibly it was some strange intervention of the Gods. But which one? Maybe Sarah, the mother god, one who was rumoured to like the mortals of the Discworld and sometimes to help in mysterious ways. Or maybe Jokki the jester, it could be one of his. Whatever Windo stretched back his arrow, gave close aim and fired...

And had no effect whatsoever. The trouble was that all of that stuff about the arrow been some kind of magical defence device was rubbish, bollards, baloney, nonsense, claptrap, insert readers favourite slang word for nonsense. Anyway, it didn't work . It annoyed the Dragon slightly as it bounced of it's armour. But for Permenant harm, nothing. And that was that. As far as the Disc was concerned, that was the only chance of stopping the creature.

Sure, people tried in their desperation. But there was no stopping or even negotiating with it. What it even wanted was unclear. But that was probably because it was mad. Well, it took a few months, but that was it. The end of the Disc. Humans, Dwarfs, Trolls, Wizards, scientists, good, bad, serious, and everything in between was destroyed. In a few months. Then the Dragon itself had nothing to feed upon and starved to death the following year. How stupid. But that's the Disc. Or rather, that was the disc. It slipped onto the back of the Turtle and broke into pieces. Although it is possible that the Dragon only quickened up a process which the Disc people's were doing themselves with the environment catastrophes caused. The only people that might have been happy about this were some of those that were living on the rough streets. In fact one of the down and outs positively welcomed it. Nice to have some positive thinking. The last words were those of Death's SO LONG FOLKS! And even he disappeared. And so finally...

THE END

Or maybe... What's the problem dear reader? I think there mustq be one! No more discworld? Ending a bit grim? Too much of dark humour and not enough of the more positive tales in the later disc stories? And do I even have the right to end someone elses' fandom. Well, all right, how about this alternative ending...

The arrow hit the Dragon right between its eyes. That was enough. Windo patted the brave Li-Un on the back for his assistance. The Dragon fell on to Quirms streets with a terrible death scream. The Disc was saved and Windo was a hero. He was given a heros parade in later days, amid much rejoicing throughout both Quirm and the Disc. And lived the rest of his days in peace and prosperity. Though the environmental destruction did continue. And it is true about some of those living on Quirm's streets.

Well, there you go. You can choose which ending you prefer. I know which I do.


End file.
